Still unsent

Still unsent

Carl Alexandersson

‘I think I’m in love with you…’

that is what the text says
all written out but
still unsent
as my thumb is hovering
above the arrow
to send
said text

for context
it is a Friday night
2 am
and I’ve had a glass of rosé
I’ve had two glasses
of rosé
I’ve had
enough.
glasses. of. rosé.

and we all know where this is going
don’t we?
we can collectively
agree
that this text is probably
a bad idea
but
I’m thinking about you
right now
you are the only coherent thing in my
mind
right now

and I need you
to know
that even when my entire world is
spinning, you are solid ground
to me
a safe place
to land
for me;
you are my rock
my paper and my scissors
with you
we both win

there is no competition
among the two of us
that is, my friends
are currently competing
for my attention
but
my face is glued to my phone
my usual three second attention span
somehow
disabled
somehow
you are everything that matters to me
right now

and it’s crazy
because I never planned on falling for
you; you
are my best friend—
and somehow
my life
is now a Netflix un-original series
where a guy falls in love
with his best friend

(and I guess
that it isn’t really that crazy
of a concept
but it still caught me
off guard
okay??)

my friends say
that we’re leaving for
the club
and I am forced out
of my bubble, I stumble
to my feet
still staring
at my phone; unable
to make a decision

you know
how sometimes
the smallest decision
turns out to make the biggest difference
but you can only ever know that
looking back
and never in the moment?
this moment
could be
fleeting
and you wouldn’t even
know it

we’re in the street
suddenly, my friends and I
walking
(if you can call it that)
towards the club
my face still glued to my phone
barely looking
up

isn’t it weird
how sometimes
you stop
and look
around
and realize
you can’t
quite
figure
out
how
you got to
where
you are.

in life
I mean;
I never imagined
myself in love
with you
yet
here we are

and
my drunk brain
tells me
that I need you
to tell
you
right this second
before it’s too late
before someone else sends a drunk text
confessing their love
for you
at 2 am
and I am
caving
in

this entire situation
is like
an essay due in less than 24 hours
that I only just started
in that
I don’t want to rush things
with you
but I don’t know how
to take things
slow
I need you
to know

and
so
I
press
send
.
.
.

and I
immediately try
to will the text to unsend
itself
but the damage
is done; the friendship
is ruined
(and I know
that I’m being dramatic
but I’ve had way too much rosé
so let me
have my moment)
it is not every day
that you confess
your love
for someone

why don’t we do that
more often?
why does this have to feel
like
such a big deal?
does it really have to be?
and
why does it have to be
2 am
for me to ask myself
these questions?

there is no
answer
and so I shove the phone
in my pocket
and take a few quick
steps to catch
up
with my friends

no matter what
happens
I am proud
that I told you
and I might regret this
in the morning
(almost certainly)
but that
is not
the issue for the moment

and in this moment
everything
is out
in
the open
there is
nothing
holding
me
down
anymore.

I am currently
floating
along the street
towards the club
with my friends
and we’re all
bubbly and cheery
and the possibilities
are endless

and I realize
that
I have never felt
more alive
than tonight.

Carl Alexandersson

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram