A.H. Lewis
Poetry Contributor
Poetry Contributor
Photography Contributor
Prem Sylvester
my thoughts of you turn to birds
of light, aflight above sunlit golden water,
cascading over memory’s cliff. forgetting
is a mere matter of diving beneath the falls,
never coming up for breath. drowned albatrosses
wash up ashore, bearers in tow, shrunken.
resting on riverwashed rock, we could peer
beyond the horizon. the dusk of our time colours
these cascading ends marine, sight skipping
over remembrance, till the gulls disappear beneath the crest.
flight will take you away, i know. all i ask is one final
pirouette. we tip our beaks skyward, drinking in being.
Erin Moran
18:18 in Tokyo and I reactualize in row 21, seat A on Air Canada flight 004.
***
8:15: I wake up in Sam’s bed to the sound of my alarm. Sam’s phone still won’t charge. We wake in silence. There’s not much I haven’t already said over ¥300 wine and 7-Eleven gyoza. I begin to change, but he tells me to keep the gray sweatshirt I slept in. He kisses me once.
9:00: I carry my own clothes back to my little Kawasaki apartment and prepare to part with my little Kawasaki life. I’ve already done most of the packing. Yesterday I bought a second suitcase from the mall near the train station. I shower, change into my airport clothes and carefully fold Sam’s sweatshirt into my already-stuffed baggage. Things aren’t just things when you’re leaving.
10:30: Our friends meet me downstairs and we say our goodbyes. We got all the tears out of the way over whiskey last night. I still want to cry, but I don’t.
11:20: Sam walks me to the train station.
11:28: Sam hugs me goodbye and I black out. I think he says, “I’ll miss you,” but I don’t know for sure.
11:32: I leave him and I don’t look back. I buy my ticket from the kiosk.
11:40: The Narita Express doesn’t come.
12:10: The next train doesn’t show up either.
12:40: An announcement reveals that the trains to Narita International Airport are canceled until further notice.
12:43: I call a cab.
***
It’s not raining tonight and the sky is so clear and black that I imagine myself falling upwards into it.
As we walk home from our bar, I fall behind my friends and imagine a scene: Savannah and I sit in the backseat of a cab on the way home from the airport and as the sun sets over Tokyo Bay I think, that’s it. The sky alone was worth the airfare. The moon just looks bigger in Japan. When we get home, I Google the difference in elevation between Tokyo and Philadelphia. Can 100 feet bring you closer to heaven?
***
I get a text from Savannah.
“Hey Erin. I cried in the taxi on the way to meet my mom. I felt like you.”
I think back to that first sunset. I texted home: “I also saw my first Japanese sunset in the taxi and almost cried but I didn’t take a pic.”
And I’m glad I didn’t. Some things are too special for Instagram.
***
Sam’s waiting downstairs when I get back and he asks me out for dinner. We decide on the sushi place next to the train station, the one where Savannah and I used to spend hours eating roe and making plans for our futures.
We sit next to each other, but we don’t speak. We just listen to the hum of the conveyor belt and watch the little sushi plates pass by. Sam orders every type of fish he thinks he hasn’t tried yet. I eat as much fatty tuna as I can. We had planned on getting ice cream—our usual—but we’re both too full after dinner.
“A new era,” he laughs.
胸がはち切れそうで (Mune ga hachikire-sōde). My chest is going to explode.
***
18:26 in Tokyo and Air Canada flight 004 is about to take off. Seat B is empty. Soon I’ll be in Vancouver, then Toronto, then Philadelphia, where it’s colder and darker and the moon’s not so big. I don’t think about what Sam’s doing now, or when I’ll talk to him next, but I do think about his apartment—the big windows and how we’d peek outside late at night to see which of our friends were up smoking cigarettes, or how we’d pull the curtains shut on Sunday mornings. I stare out at the tarmac and think about my own apartment’s view: the train tracks and the route I used to run. That stark white building that became a home.
My view now is still. I hear the roar of the engine over my own thoughts.
On the plane, I wonder: would I have stayed? It doesn’t matter now, but maybe it feels better to imagine there’s another option, an alternate reality where I stay in Sam’s bed, wearing the sweatshirt and we wake up late and meet our friends for pancakes. A world where I ask him to tell me, just once more, over the buzz of the conveyor belts. A world where I turn back instead of walking toward the train ticket kiosk. One where we run and run and keep running until we reach the park bench where we shared our first—
It doesn’t matter now. It’s time to fly. It’s 18:30 in Tokyo and the plane takes off. I look toward the ground and I don’t think, “Goodbye.” I don’t think anything.
***
It’s two days later and I wake up in my childhood bed and check my email.
8:08 EST (22:08 JST): “Hey Erin.”
Mel D. Sullivan
The fire burned faster than Meta expected. It started at four in the morning, igniting somewhere in Helicon Hall’s neglected basement. By five, all three floors of the mansion were aflame, the windows bright orange squares against the black March sky. From her spot on the hill with David, Meta watched Upton going from group to shivering group, determining if anyone was lost. So far, it appeared he’d been lucky.
Her husband had always been lucky. His early novels were commercial and artistic failures, but when The Jungle was published to equal parts acclaim and outrage, he’d finally gained the followers he desired. During the winter of 1906, he’d traveled to New York to parties and concerts, lecturing on industrial exploitation while Meta and five-year-old David remained in New Jersey in the cabin Upton had never finished. When he returned on the weekends, he paced the twelve feet of their kitchen, his boots knocking against the uneven floor boards that let in the wind no matter how Meta stuffed them with newspapers and straw.
“Artists were not meant to live like this,” Upton decreed, as Meta wiped their son’s feverish face. “The drudgery of life kills creativity.” Meta pursed her lips and looked over to her desk, piled high with doctor’s bills, the pages from her half-started novel completely covered, and fetched another damp cloth from the basin.
“What if,” Upton whispered, after David had fallen into a fitful sleep and Meta had extinguished the kerosene lamp. “What if artists could live collectively, with trained experts overseeing all domestic responsibilities. In a true utopia, there would be no need for servants or masters. Just equality and independence of thought. You could write again, too.” Meta grunted and then turned toward the wall, knowing that a vision at night might fade by morning.
But luck and the new mania for Progressivism favored Upton, and after a few well-publicized meetings, subscriptions poured in from artists who wanted to, for twenty-five dollars a share, buy a world where all meals would be cooked in a central kitchen and children looked after in a collective nursery. With the subscribers’ cash and $15,000 of his own royalties, Upton purchased Helicon Hall in Englewood, a former boys’ school with three floors of rooms, and ambitiously scheduled the grand opening for the following October.
By the time the first residents arrived, it was clear that some details had been overlooked. No one of suitable education, politics and temperament could be persuaded to tutor the subscribers’ thirteen children, and the artists couldn’t agree if eggs should be served every Sunday. Meta organized the women so that food was cooked and laundry was done, while Upton stalked the halls, offering his opinion on Mrs. Kimball’s latest illustration and shouting at Professor Noyes about Gilman’s recent lecture on the changing role of the home in America. Most nights, Meta fell into bed well past midnight, completely spent.
By New Year, it was agreed that a serventless approach was unworkable, and Meta hired a couple of young poets as unskilled handymen in exchange for room and board. Upton then introduced Anna, who Meta immediately liked because of her no-nonsense reform dress and proposed schedule for rotating the kitchen duties among the residents. That Upton was also drawn to Anna did not bother her much. Helicon Hall already had a reputation as a den of radicals and free love, which was only somewhat deserved, and Meta had found herself in the arms of one or two of the poets, who turned out to be skilled at some things. Above all, Meta prided herself on her practicality.
By February, it appeared that the experiment might possibly succeed. Upton had left all managerial issues to Anna and Meta, and remained in his private office for hours, writing pages of a sequel which he claimed would be even more explosive than its predecessor. He was so concerned that his work would be lost or sabotaged, each afternoon he locked his office with a specially made key, the only copy of which he kept on his person at all times.
But things could not last, Meta thought, as she cut biscuits in the kitchen. Her Upton was an Icarus, destined to fly high only to fall. It was simply a matter of time.
The cause of the conflagration was never determined, though it was suggested that an overturned candle or lamp was the likely culprit. Upton showed up at the inquest, his head still bandaged, and claimed that the Steel Trust was plotting to put an end to his latest investigations, a theory which was summarily dismissed by the inspectors. Only one worker died – Lester Briggs, a carpenter’s apprentice, who was known as a heavy sleeper. The property loss was total, the hall itself condemned, and the utopia disbanded as the artists fled back to the city.
“But our true loss,” her husband told the press, “is the loss of the art created and yet to be created under Helicon’s roof.”
When Upton reached Meta, the night of the fire, before he asked about anything else – their son, her welfare, any of the others – he asked if she had been able to rescue his pages.
“How?” Meta asked. “You held the key.”
As tears fell from Upton’s eyes, making tracks in his soot-covered face, Meta turned back to the fire, which had broken through the roof.
Though the fire was quick, its start was not, which again was lucky. The nursery was evacuated first, the children all dropped into blankets, and only a few of the adults had been seriously injured. Mrs. Kimball, who was among the last to be located, had descended on a thin rope made of her nightgown and walked the grounds naked until Professors Noyes offered his overcoat. Even Meta, exhausted after her day in the kitchen, had time to climb four staircases and lay silent between her sleeping husband and son before the first curl of smoke came under the door.
Zoe Mitchell
I’m trying to make friends. She says, ‘Did
you know, research shows that vertigo
is your whole body flinching at the notion
that you might jump this time, that some part
of your heart can’t resist the urge to fly?’
I hesitate to reply. I didn’t know that. I am
afraid of heights and all of it makes sense
to me but I have square pegged my way
through enough failed introductions to see
any answer as a high-vaulted risk.
She lowers her pint and her voice as she adds,
‘Have you ever had that feeling in a car
when you’re going fast on a roundabout
and you could just open the passenger door,
lean out and fling yourself into orbit?’
Poetry Contributor
Visar
Squirrels racing through brushes
watched the Volkswagen driving us in circles,
Lights from dreams of Amsterdam
blinded us through the windscreen,
from the Eiffel to china that splintered
in parties never started,
we learned things we don’t do are
consequential as the ones we accomplish,
As lights once poured in from the clerestory,
where we held silence that rattled
the grisaille windows. Moon dined with us,
shedding skin cells in the moving car.
In the night as black as the Neanderthal’s face
that understood its youth
we shared Budweisers by the pool
Mars soaked in the suns of our eyes,
Watched him roll tobacco and he said, “Leaving.
Leaving is a choice no one wants to make and it
makes us anyway”. Then, smoke rose up.
Then, no one was there.
Lynn White
It’s a place that needs a superman
a superman with angel’s wings
giant wings
big enough to fold
their soft feathers around it
encircle it
in a feathery hug
keep it safe
lift it up
paint out the grey
and bring it back to what it was
before
before the crash
took away the colour
took away the joy
took away the hope.
An angel alone couldn’t do it.
It wouldn’t have the strength.
Superman alone couldn’t do it.
He didn’t have the wings
to spread and circle
this place
to comfort it
to hold it safe
to lift it up.
It’s a place that needs
a superman with angel’s wings
to perform the miracle
and then fly away
to the next place.