Silence is neatly tucked between the layered wings of the soaring eagle the shifting angle of his wings holds the distance between the spoken and the untold
Silence has its own semantics the lexicon of the unspoken I can carry the debilitating pain in my marred soul for eons before you see the tears trickling from my eyes
Silence, a deep soliloquy with time you press ears to the throbbing heart else would miss the pain
Silence is neatly tucked in the palm of a stillborn dissolved in its muted stench
Silence is the only conversation for the reticent mind as the moon brushes across my face dripping the verses picked neatly by the time
dispels black thought; fear slips away–wisps of cloud dissolving into azure silk. I look south for solace, search for sun’s fire in my waning inner life, seek to rekindle a clear path to spirit.
Threads are still there– frayed from trying too hard or not at all. Confusion has been woven in my outer fabric yet I know there’s a clarity that shines from the heart, so close, so luminous, it is easy to overlook– to look elsewhere.
Opening past habits of dead wood, the voice complaining like lazy wind blows this way and that without saying anything. I find space to breathe, take flight with geese in endless lemon sky, soar blissfully back into my self, knowing that I never lost anything.
Tapping in his Tony Lamas
Wiggling in his Wranglers
Stimulating in his Stetson
The wind propels him
Twisting and spinning
As the guitar strums
He is a centrifuge
Defying gravity
Never succumbing
To earthly limitations
This cowboy soars
Grabbing his belt buckle
As if launching himself
Into the atmosphere
Propelled in alignment
Embraced by acoustics
Born in the USA
Stature of the
Colossus of Rhodes
Love child of deities
Product of divinity birthed
As if Icarus and Terpsichore
Conceived him
As he glides across dancefloors
He could make himself
Levitate in midair
Knowing full well
He was born to fly
“we wait for something beautiful then we destroy it”
Stuart Buck
lying in the inch of fairy floss snowfall in the car park of the abandoned hardware store but we don’t feel the cold oh no, we are boiling mercury in our veins and the beautiful thing is that the sky isn’t falling, we are soaring up to meet it so I kiss your hand as we hit the screaming brilliance head on becomingfractured perfection for those endless seconds but oh god,we wake as only dust on the pavement and your frostbitten fingers curl up as a dying plant in a desert of unanswered prayers
with a sheath of golden
feathers guarding its underbelly
and a feared reputation
the golden eagle soared over
the dusty dry lands
perhaps my family looked
up once in a while and
saw it circling overhead,
a blessing, a curse, or a spell in reverse
but they must not have seen it
my father would have had his head
swirling with stress over the paperwork
for his family to journey to the New World
my mother was in another neighborhood
studying, working at a smaller office
my aunts were
too tired and dehydrated
from the long walk from school to home
passed bazaars with the aroma of turmeric and kabob
scarves dangling around their shoulders
as they fought for the chance to learn
my grandfather
had much anxiety
over whether or not he
could travel to the office for work
if he was caught…
my grandmother was
worried, raising her kids in such a world
knowing she wasn’t able to get up to help
her youngest as they stood on a stepstool to
make dinner when they should have been out
playing
no, my family was chained to the
ground, souls bound to the duties
they had to themselves, to their family
their only hope of flying was when they
occasionally passed the kite flyers
for in all that sorrow,
one thing
let them soar above their worries:
the Afghan art of kite flying
my father was a champion.
when he wasn’t studying,
he was kite flying, kite rising
he took his place among the golden eagles,
soared to infinity and forevermore
it would be many years after
my family would fly
to the New World, leaving behind their home
in hopes of a better one
a new beginning
and then I was born.
and for them,
for my father who worked
from the morning sun to the evening moon,
for my mother who came to this
harsh New World with a pocket full
of English words,
for my aunts and uncles,
who defied everything in order to study
and catch their dreams,
for my grandfather
who sacrificed everything,
and for my beloved grandmother,
who dared to do the
difficult, the dangerous, the impossible
in the name of love,
i wish i could say
your lust
didn’t destroy me
like i wish i could say
my father’s absence in my
life didn’t matter
or my stepfather didn’t shatter
an already broken heart
with all his pain and rage,
but none of these things is true;
yet like the phoenix
i rose from the ashes of the person
that once i was to rise again
with brilliant new flames—
it was hard to fly for the longest time,
but now i remember flight;
and putting the past behind me
isn’t so hard a task some days but others i fly into
memories of you and i thick and curling
as the most stubborn ivy—
yet i know i will not always be tethered to the
song of your bitter death
one day my dreams will split you down the middle
where the nightmares will cease to grow,
and no longer shall your monsters mate;
then you will see the consequence
of love and light magic
working against the dark of your malignant dystopia.
My soul has flown into the deep spaces apart from my clay abode.
Set free from the daily limits and bindings defining my existence.
What remains here, stuck in time, awaiting the inevitable decay,
is not the essence of my being, my reality, but instead a golem,
inanimate, save for the heart beat and breaths, keeping it alive.
I am separate, cut off, incommunicado, apart from the rest of the world.
My thoughts, clear to me, are confused, garbled and untranslatable to those
who sit by my side, holding my hand and whispering to me, words of comfort,
and queries of what do I recall, do I know where I am, who they are?
All unanswerable, because I have moved on, to another place, another life, another eternity.
They think my essence gone – and they are correct.
For what they see is not me, but rather, the simulacrum of daughter, teen, wife, mother, friend.
So many things to so many others – but what of me?
Melle, Maybelle, Mimi, all my names, left in the wake of my existence now.
Labels without definition – for I am separate and apart, a new creation.
I float through the abyss of the universe, touching the stars, hearing their song,
waiting to join with those I love and remember in my own way.
Dancing through the eternal, hearing the beat and rhythm of life.
Asking questions oft posed, but not answered in the here and now.
Recognizing the ultimate truths that all of us know and feel.
It will come soon now, and I will be free.
My effigy will burn, the flesh seared from the spirit,
which already having begun its journey, will rocket to the edges of the universe.
A supernova consuming the mundane reality of what was,
in exchange for the expectations of what will be.
I mourn for those who remain – theirs is the harder path,
bound to the stolid, unmoving certitude that what is seen, is.
For in my isolation, lost in my own reality, I see the intangible,
the unchartered, the obscure that remains forever at the fingertips,
The promise of possibilities yet to come.
The dragon in me dreams of flight,
needs to jump off cliffs with wings
spread wide, feel the rushing air
blowing up from beneath me, feel
the warmth of the sun on my face.
The wind becomes a part of me. My
subconscious guru, whispering words
of strength: take flight brave one, it
says. This is who you were meant
to be. Don’t allow your humanness
to anchor you to the earth. Don’t
wait for it to clip your wings. You
were born for the sky!
I soar higher and higher, expanding
my chest as I draw in air and breathe
out fire. I am no longer earth bound,
I am in flight.
Leaves spiral,
fall in three-fourths time,
dive a fast vertical twirl
as though knowing no end point,
float to and fro as in
downstream descent — all reach
the ground. They lie
on top of each other,
huddle against curbs, and
nestle in edging between
mulch and now-rust-colored lawns.
Leaves rest.
Shade in summer sun,
glory of early fall — they’ve
been through a lot.
I wish to take their place,
climb to the top of the most
naked tall tree and lay myself down.
Like on a bed of needles,
the spindly twigs might hold me
for their sheer numbers, and I
could blanket them and their branches
with my 98°. That’s what I have of life — heat and good intentions.