Nightingale & Sparrow

Tag: you were supposed to be a friend

  • you were supposed to be a friend by Ashley Elizabeth

    you were supposed to be a friend
    by Ashley Elizabeth

    Publication Date: 16 June 2020
    Nightingale & Sparrow Press

    Genre: Poetry

    Friendships between men and women don’t always last forever… not without someone wanting more. At least, it’s harder not to. It is easy to fall for someone you spend most of your time talking to. This chapbook explores when a relationship turns from friendship to friends with benefits to someone falling in a love that may not be reciprocated.

    Ten years is a long time to intertwine two souls. From middle school to early adulthood, we survived a lot. For having such searing physical and emotional chemistries, our communication skipped heartbeats with lies and potholes. We’ve been friends for too long. Of course feelings got in the way. Of course I fell for you, and of course I lied about it. Who wouldn’t? I lost you anyway.

    Print | Kindle | PDF

    Previously Published Pieces:

    Take a sneak peek at some of the poems included in this chapbook:

    • “friendship,” “acceptance,” and “6 inch heels” — Rat’s Ass Review
    • “not prayer” — Zoetic Press
    • “lies about being a mistress,” “truth,” “also truth,” “letters from an old mistress (i)” “non-reciprocal” — Damaged Goods Press

    About the Author

    Ashley Elizabeth is a writing consultant, teacher, and poet. Her works have appeared in Bonnie’s Crew, yell/shout/scream, and SWWIM, among others. She has a microchap, letters from an old mistress, with Damaged Goods Press. When Ashley isn’t serving as assistant editor at Sundress Publications, teaching, or freelancing, she habitually posts on Twitter and Instagram, watching way too many dog and cheese-pull videos. She lives with her partner in Baltimore, MD.

  • An Excerpt from you were supposed to be a friend

    vision

    you don’t see
    me unless you want
    heavy breathing,
    name cried out in ecstasy,
    ass to smack,
    hair to pull,
    kisses that only mean something

    to me, my velvet throat encasing
    manhood,
    cotton skin, me.
    exposed. only for you

    to examine touch pilfer pirate own
    i am nothing but your conquest
    a place you visit
    when you want to feel

    important
    i am so much more
    you claim friend but act
    otherwise, grabbing inches
    of me and leaving full

    where i shatter
    and cannot pick up what’s left.
    you molded me to want
    to please, drop to me knees
    until you place me in other positions.

    you like to push prod and beg.
    but i am scared to lose
    you so i comply. you know
    this and when you finish
    you hug me and leave a secret
    about you i already know

    from you were supposed to be a friend

  • Author Statement: you were supposed to be a friend by Ashley Elizabeth

    Dear Reader, 

    I am unsure about how to start this, to be honest, except for by saying that honesty is the best policy. And the first person you have to be honest with is yourself. Maybe you won’t find yourself in love with the wrong person. Maybe you will but will learn from it anyway. 

    I was in love with my best friend before I knew it. I was his before I knew what that meant, but I never told him. I wonder what would have happened if I did. I wonder if he loved me back and we simply missed our shot. I wonder how our stories would have played out if we were both willing to tell our truths. Now we have moved on and away and will never know. 

    Inspired by the lyrical yet haunting quality of Bluets by Maggie Nelson as she puts her heart on the page, this manuscript originally started as a book of letters of things I hadn’t said to him but wished I had; letters had always been how we communicated. Rarely did we talk on the phone verbally but our texts and AIM messages spoke for themselves. I saved them and looked at them often, responding to myself and the time in short snippets across time. 

    The book in the final format explores that love and asks the questions I was too scared to ask him but in poetry format. I also bring you through the end of our relationship by asking myself the hard questions. I break myself from my comfort and quiet, both in writing and sharing, and I hope this inspires you to do the same, to be your truest selves. 

    Thank you to everyone who reads this book. I hope you continue to find yourselves a little in love, a little lost, and a little loved. 

    Yours,

    Ashley Elizabeth 

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